A Letter to Someone Going Through a Hard Time (When You Don’t Know What to Say)
Someone you care about is having a terrible time, and you want to reach out, but every time you try to write something it comes out wrong. Too formal. Too casual. Too much like a sympathy card. Not enough. You’ve typed and deleted the same message four times and you’re starting to think maybe you should just leave it, because what if you make it worse?
Here’s the thing: the fact that you’re here, trying to find the right words, already means more than you think. Most people see someone struggling and do nothing, not because they don’t care, but because they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. You’re past that. You want to actually show up. That matters.
You don’t need to fix anything
The biggest mistake people make when writing to someone in a hard time is trying to solve the problem. “Everything happens for a reason” or “look on the bright side” or “at least you still have…” — these are all attempts to make the situation feel smaller and more manageable, and they never land well. The person going through it doesn’t need the situation minimised. They need someone to say “this is awful and I see you in the middle of it.”
Name what you see, not what you think they should feel
“I know the last few months have been really hard for you” is better than “I hope you’re staying positive.” One acknowledges their reality. The other tells them how they should be experiencing it. You don’t need to know all the details. You just need to show that you’ve noticed.
Offer something specific
“Let me know if you need anything” is well-intentioned but useless, because nobody in crisis has the energy to compose a request for help. Instead, try “I’m going to drop some food round on Thursday, is there anything you’d particularly like?” or “I’m free on Saturday afternoon if you want company, no pressure to talk about anything heavy.” Specific offers are easier to accept than open-ended ones.
Say the thing you’ve been putting off saying
If there’s something you’ve been meaning to tell this person, something about how much they mean to you, or how proud you are of them, or how you noticed the way they handled something difficult with more grace than anyone gave them credit for, now is the time. People going through hard times often feel invisible. Telling them you see them, specifically and genuinely, is one of the most powerful things you can do.
Why a letter works when nothing else does
A text is easy to miss in a sea of notifications. A phone call requires energy the person might not have. But a letter that arrives in the post, on a day when everything else feels heavy, that’s something different. It’s physical. They can hold it. They can read it when they’re ready, not when their phone buzzes. And it says something by existing: someone took the time and the effort and the care to put words on paper and send them.
If you know what you want to say but can’t get the words right, Parlour Letter writes personalised letters for exactly these moments. You tell us about the person and what they’re going through, and we’ll write something warm and honest and worth reading. Posted first class on beautiful paper. Because sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is remind them they’re not as alone as they feel.